Pervert Heaven

By Bettie Machete

They called him Essex. Even his name had SEX in it. He was a mild-mannered guy who worked at a trendy boutique in Los Angeles. Some called him the Viper of Bluejeans. To others he was the Devil Incarnate. Our man was never content with mere earthly pleasures. A simple BJ was out of the question. Here was a guy whose penile appendage could only stiffen in a depraved encounter with a creature of the night, if he could take sloppy seconds to a nasty German Shepherd. Or if he could be titillated by needle-like jolts shooting through his clipped nipples.

Our girl Bette Machettie recorded this interview in the dark shadows of a famous Beverly Hills night club. The tape resides in a safe place, protected by rattlesnakes and hexes. The identity of all involved must remain a mystery, lest the perverts hunt us down and drag us back into their sordid world of shocking sex.

WARNING: This is a true story of extreme sexual deviance. If you want to keep the devil away from your door, DO NOT READ IT! Turn off your computer at once. Go type a letter to your mother. Or go wank-off. Whatever. Just... DO NOT CLICK HERE.